Parents as faith teachers

I recently read a social media post from an mother that said she was concerned about her son, who was expressing his love of God. She surprised me by continuing,  “I wish I could just enjoy it and not feel this weird sadness about it."

This caused me to pause and reflect. The anxiety many parents feel about their children’s increasing awareness of all that is sad and wrong and violent hurts. Sometimes as their children’s spiritual imaginations grow, parents’ anxieties and sadness about the disappointments that their children will inevitably discover increases.

Over the years, some parents have shared with me that they love how their children’s developing faith begins to give the children a moral compass and makes helps to them feel safe and loved. These same parents, however, then express concern about just how to talk with their kids later, when they pose more complicated questions about their own personal faith.

Through some study and experience, I can only dare to offer a few observations.

First, we shouldn’t try to protect a child’s innocence. That might seem counterintuitive to most, but experience shows that going to great lengths to shield children from the cruel realities of the world only creates a more anxious situation. Consider, after all, that in our world, children do active shooter drills in elementary schools. Certainly, they will want to know why. But they also will want our reassurance that we will do everything we can to protect them from harm. This is equally true for any of the difficulties they may face in life.

Second,  if we try to avoid difficult conversations about things like sexism or racism (two of the most pervasive injustices our world suffers), we do so from a position of privilege. Let’s be frank about this, most of the Episcopal church in our region are white and middle-class. Studies done about talking to children about a topic like racism, for example, reveal that we unknowingly actually nurture racism in young children when we presume that what is normal for us as adults (for example, that the police are always there to help us) is always true for communities of color. It simply isn't. That fact is unavoidable. Just look at the news.

Third, parents must take an age-appropriate approach to having hard conversations with their children. We can push the boundaries a bit on what we consider “age-appropriate” and give kids, even young ones, much more benefit of the doubt. We may be surprised about the questions kids actually ask – “out of the mouths of babes . . .” Parents might want to be a bit more mindful that it is not enough just to have “the talk” – a once and done attempt at communicating a complicated topic. The best approach may just be to let children ask questions when they ae ready, but be prepared in advance to give the answers they need and can understand.

Fourth, we need to remember that the story of our faith is one where God continually demonstrates the power to create good things from bad situations: the people of Israel was born out of slavery; a renewed creation emerged after a devastating flood; and, most obviously, Jesus rose to never-ending life after cruel suffering and death. The Christian story is one worth sharing with out children. It is a story in which people have believed for centuries because it is holy and filled with truth. It reminds us that the world can be a terrible place and that people can do terrible things. But those terrible things don’t have the last word. (That’s really the central message of the last book of the Bible, Book of Revelation!) 

Some in my own family decided to raise their children without “forcing” any kind of faith system or religion on them. By avoiding the Christian story altogether, they believed it would be better for their children to figure out what they believed on their own. They were convinced that it was more important for kids to find their own answers by choosing their own path. The problem is that the kids really didn’t have anything to work with. When faced with tragedy, the children, even as adults, didn’t have the tried and true religious lessons that have sustained us to fall back on. In fact, they didn’t even have anything to reject. In that case, at least they would have something to move away from as they sought to discover answers and find comfort for themselves. As a grandparent in my last parish observed, “It’s hard when they are little, and everything is black and white for them. Faith is so murky. That’s why we bring our grandchildren with us to church when they have them and try to answer their questions as honestly as we can.” 

Finally, at some point all parents, whether or not they raise children in a religious tradition, have to “let go.” We begin letting go from the time they are babies increasingly allowing children more and more freedom in their own lives. For example, a six-year-old may select and open his own after-school snacks; a thirteen-year-old may choose which shoes she wants to buy for the first day of school; and, the seventeen-year-old may drive herself to soccer practice.

We might consider taking a similar approach toward kids’ Christian formation. We wouldn’t expect a youngster to know how to open a bag of Goldfish crackers without showing him how. So how can we expect him to know how to pray without showing him?

Because it is just as much our responsibility to protect our children from emotional and spiritual harm as it is from physical harm, the need to let go can be extremely challenging. The truth is, most adults are struggling with their own faith questions. (For a mature Christian, that struggle never ends.) We too often remember our own hurts and struggles and want to protect those we love so much from similar difficulties. These memories of spiritual pain and struggle magnify our anxiety about our children. In the end, we need to remember that every person’s faith journey is not necessarily the same as our own, but that each one needs to take that journey. With a better understanding of how people grow and develop in their faith, it may be a bit easier to avoid overly simplistic forumlas ao that, as our children get older and more sophisticated, they may be able to avoif beomcing totally disillusioned.

So, in the end, it is not despite, but because of life's trials and disappointments, that we must foster our children's spiritual imaginations by rediscovering our own.

Nomads no more

I recently completed a book by Diana Butler Bass entitled Christianity for the Rest of Us: How the Neighborhood Church Is Transforming the Faith (HarperOne, 2006). At one point, Bass addresses an issue that confronts the Church universal in our modern age: radical individualism. We can get nostalgic about the day when people thought more of community or the common good than themselves. But the fact is that from ancient days, human beings have alternately seen themselves either more as individuals or more as members of a larger body. In our nation’s history, for example, we can see a swung from the self-seeking era of the Roaring 20s to the selflessness of "The Greatest Generation." In the case of the Church, I think we might understand this tension better and move to a resolution if we think in terms of nomads and pilgrims.

One of the dominating characteristics of life today is that of wandering – moving from experience to experience for the sake of experience alone. By its nature, wandering is an individualistic activity, with an occasional need to “network” or "hook-up” for a time to accomplish a specific purpose. Once the wanderer accomplishes their aim, they go off on their own again.

By definition, a nomad is one that constantly changes locations, moving from one place to another. Many nomads have some place that they may call “home,” which is usually where their family or childhood friends are located, but even if they go back there, they wouldn't spend more than a little time. We might know people (sometimes in our own family or among our closest friends) that are essentially spiritual nomads. They may return to their church "home" from time to time to seek out one or another religious service, like a wedding, a funeral, or a baptism.

You can often spot a spiritual nomad by their attitude and their assertions about their freedom from religion. Most importantly, they serve as their own judge when it comes to matters of ethics, moral choices, and religious preferences. More often than not their real purpose is to avoid any need to defer to higher authority, or simply to avoid taking an established path. We have even comes up with a moniker to identify such folks, what church leaders often call the “NONES” – otherwise known as the "spiritual but not religious."


Like nomads, pilgrims travel, but a pilgrim doesn’t merely wander. Rather, a pilgrim’s travels have a specific destination in mind. By that simple definition, any commuter might be considered a pilgrim. But there is more to being a pilgrim than merely reaching one’s destination. For the pilgrim, the trip itself takes on more importance than its destination. Pilgrims tend to travel slowly, deliberately, experiencing almost every step along the way. The pilgrim notices things and finds treasures any commuter would probably never see. The pilgrim meets others along the way who might just be traveling the same path. They begin to share stories, to debate ideas, and learn to support one another as they travel. By the end of the pilgrimage, these “fellow travelers” bond with one another as they share their vision in the hoped-for destination. In short, they form a common-union, a community.

It is interesting that in the earliest days of Christianity, being a disciple of Jesus was often referred to as following “The Way.” This is the heart of Presiding Bishop Michael Curry’s call to us to see ourselves as pilgrims on the “Way of Love,” a series of spiritual practices that have been tried and true for disciples through the ages. .

It is true that many NONES experience a genuine longing for spiritual experience. But in their longing they wander from one experience to another. Sometimes they become so frustrated in their wandering that they reject the quest all together. Pilgrims, on the other hand, travel a well-worn path – they follow a way that others have proven will get them to where they want to go. This is the role of tradition in the spiritual life. By linking people’s natural longing for spiritual experience with  Christian tradition, the Church provides pilgrims with a way not only to survive but to thrive.

Far from condemning or fearing expressions of individual spiritual freedoms, however, we should welcome their expression as the first step toward spiritual renewal. Over its long history, those who have followed the Anglican path often find in a parish community a place where the contradictions of life (like freedom and tradition) are not rejected but celebrated. By inviting spiritual nomads to walk with us on our spiritual journeys, we might see how the power of God can transform nomads into pilgrims and give wanderers the purpose and meaning they ultimately seek. For this to happen, we must be willing to share our spiritual journeys (both the good and the bad) as we make our way through life. We need to allow others to experience how we make our way amidst life's challenges. We can help others to experience the “interesting things” we continue to discover along "The Way."

This summer take a daring step: invite others to join you on your own pilgrimage. T
ogether we may reach that destiny, which God has in store for all God’s children.

What is the purpose of the church?

Some say that churches are necessary to build community. I believe that they are. However, since there are many other organizations seeking to build community, what makes parishes different? Some say that the parish, in addition to building community, offers a place to worship God. That is also true – but then again, there are many places where someone can worship or address their spiritual life. So, why go to church? Did you know that about 90% of Americans claim a belief in God but that only 20% of Americans attend any church? That makes it clear to me that people are finding other places to worship and serve God in ways that meet their needs pretty well. Some are saying, then, that parishes are becoming obsolete.

For several years now, new church communities have sprung up that attempt to re-envision the local church community as a sort of multi-media spiritual entertainment center. You certainly can’t create that at home, and the quality of the live music can’t be duplicated by listening to “canned” music. While some of these churches have thrived in our current cultural environment, some of that attractiveness dulls as their message fails to evolve effectively. Some have begun to experience the same decline the rest of “main-line” churches have experienced forcing them to spend a great deal of energy in cyclical strategic revisioning to become the newest, the best, the most innovative.  In places where the message has actually evolved, such local churches have done a bit better – but the struggle to stay afloat requires an ever-expanding base of operations – which in turn requires exponential growth in terms of people and financial resources. Church growth becomes an idol (the thing) rather than the result of effective gospel proclamation.

Other churches, regardless of their facility or worship style, have facilitated a sort of escapism. You might remember Robert Schuler and the Crystal Cathedral (services broadcast as The Hour of Power). On the surface, it seemed to be a place where everything was wonderful and positive and where there weren’t any problems. It was spiritual escapism at its finest. Afterall, if members never had to return to the real world such places could be seen as a little bit of “heaven on earth.” All too often, however, these places thrived as long as no one too closely examined their teachings or scrutinized their practices. In this case, the limits of “the power of positive thinking” soon reached its limits and the real world caught up with the dream: the church filed bankruptcy, its magnificent was building sold, and what remains of the congregation is now in negotiation with a mainline denomination for admission. This is but one example of the error we make when we see the purpose of the Church as “making us feel better about ourselves and the world."

So then, what if the real purpose of Church is genuine personal and social transformation? What if the goal of Church is to build a community that transcends the walls of our buildings so that the community being built wasn’t just inside the church building but all around it? What if we acknowledged that the primary purpose of the Church was to build our community by spiritually transforming the lives of our members by re-connecting ourselves to the mission and ministry of servant leadership that Jesus envisioned and acted out at the Last Supper?

Imagine if John Q. Public would not only volunteer to serve meals with the group at church but also would find a way to be personally involved doing something one-on-one in the community ? Perhaps he would tutor a high school student in math, or identify an elderly person who needs help with yard work, or volunteer at a hospital or nursing home to keep a lonely person company? Then, and this is critically important, what if the church gathered its members from time to time to examine and celebrate how their service had an impact not only on the folks around them but also in their spiritual lives? Doing that might help us to make connections between how our personal spirituality has an impact in every area we touch -- especially outside the "red doors." When that happens, we may begin to see why Jesus says that Kingdom of God is already all around us. All we need, as Jesus said, are the eyes to see it.

This is exactly what we hope to do later this year. As part of St. Luke's continuing visioning process (VISION20/20), we hope to convene an “Outreach Summit” – a time when we will use the power of Appreciative Inquiry to discover and explore our deepest desires for this important element of our life together.

The Outreach Summit will seek to move us closer to the two major goals set out in VISION 20/20, namely:

1. To strengthen existing efforts and intentionally seek to address the systemic causes of hunger and homelessness and other forms of poverty in our community.
2. To ground all outreach efforts in prayer and study, discourage our tendency to reduce social justice and service efforts to “social work,” and to encourage our own spiritual growth and development through genuine servant-discipleship.

This work may help others see that spending an inordinate amount of money on high technology “entertainment” worship environments may not be good stewardship of the church's resources. We may find new uses for currently unused space in our own buildings or those available in the community-at-large. When we start to see that our purpose as not merely to survive but but to lift all of us up, we might begin to see stewardship and fiscal responsibility in a new way. If these things happen, we will not only be transforming ourselves but the community in which we live, play, work, and study.

Above all, we need to trust that if we genuinely commit ourselves to the Way of Love – to the Way of Jesus, people interested in transforming themselves and their society will join with us in the challenges ahead. Maybe that’s the point of having a church at all – maybe that is what community building is all about! Maybe, just maybe, that's the purpose of the Church.

Friday after Ash Wednesday - The Way of the Cross

Admirers of nature, like Henry David Thoreau, touch on the value of walking to strengthen the body, mind, and soul. How often have we heard an older person say that they enjoy their daily "constitutional" - a habit of walking the neighborhood or some other set path.  Current exercise gurus tout the importance of walking as a way to exercise every muscle of the body.

The spiritual practice of walking has been part of religious tradition for centuries. Meditative walking is as much a part of spiritual practice as sitting meditation. Meditative walking involves mindful attention to each step taken, to the in and out of one's breath. It is done slowly and with no particular destination in mind. In other words, Renee Miller says,  "it is walking in order to walk. It is the reason for the practice and the end of the practice. The time spent in the middle is time of union with the Divine." (Strength for the Journey, 114)

The centuries old practice of the Way of the Cross (or as some call it, the Stations of the Cross), is a way of combining the spiritual practice of walking with a conscious meditation on the passion and death of Jesus.

As we make the journey along the Way of the Cross, we must first acknowledge that this devotion is first and foremost prayer.  It isn't an intellectual exercise.  Rather, we must see it in the context of our relationship with God.  As we read through the text of each of the stations and look at the artistic renderings, we discover an invitation to enter into a gifted faith experience of who Jesus is for all humanity. It beckons us open our hearts to be touched and leads us to express our response in prayer.
Walking the walk slowly and deliberately enabling us to remember is that this is an imaginative exercise.  Its purpose is not a historical examination of "what really happened" on that day in history but about something far much more profound.  It is an opportunity to use this long standing Christian practice to let Jesus touch our hearts deeply by showing us the depth of his love.  The context is the historical fact that he was made to carry the instrument of his death, from the place where he was condemned to die, to Calvary where he died, and that he was taken down and laid in a tomb. By this we begin to realize that Jesus wants to use any means available to move our hearts to know his love personally and deeply. By moving deliberately along "the way" we can get caught up in the mystery of God's love as we imaginatively visualize the "meaning" of Christ's passion and death.

The point of this exercise is to lead us into gratitude. It will also lead us into a sense of solidarity with all our brothers and sisters. In our busy, high tech lives we can too easily get out of touch with the sufferings of real people in our world. By using our bodies as well as our minds as we journey with Jesus in the Stations, we may only begin to imagine the experience of those who are tortured, unjustly accused or victimized, sitting on death row, carrying impossible burdens, facing terminal illnesses, or simply fatigued with life as was Jesus in his last hours.

Each Friday in Lent, St. Luke's Church is open for individuals, families, and groups to make this prayer walk. Meditation aids are provided. The scheduled time is Friday evening at 7 PM, however, one can make the journey at anytime on any day - and it doesn't have to be in church. This Lent, as we all seek to Journey Deeper, let's use our time earnestly to begin to "walk the talk" of our discipleship.

Thursday after Ash Wednesday: Time to Center

Photo: Getty images

Every day as I sit in front of my computer to write a letter, compose an article, construct a bulletin or do something related to my work, I get frustrated because the machine often does not work as fast as I want it to. Stepping back a bit, I recognize how silly this frustration is. All I need to bring to mind is a world without these marvelous machines. How long it took me to hand-write a draft, type it up, and then type it again (and maybe even again) once I discovered all the mistakes in the finished product. This is a perspective unknown to recent generations who began their learning in front of an iPad or some other computerized gizmo.

In all this, we begin to realize that we move at a pace in daily life that keeps our soul as busy as our bodies - our unconscious as full as our conscious minds. We switch from idea to idea, task to task, observe images, have thought, experience emotions with the speed of the computers that are suppose to make our lives easier.  No wonder so many people in our day find it difficult to pray or to perceive a Divine Presence in their lives. They encounter even greater difficulty when people like me say that the best way to become aware of this presence and to tap into its power is to, well, pray.

Interestingly, we deceive ourselves if we think this is a problem unique to the modern age. Since the beginning of humanity, the press of daily life has made prayer a problem - something often left to others - to priests, monks, nuns, and those who seemingly have more time and space for such things. No wonder then, that contemplative prayer has been part of our Christian practice from ancient times. Its modern counterpart, centering prayer, is not only a way to pray but has the potential to make a significant impact on the pattern of our lives even when we are not "praying."

You see, the problem with prayer is that it requires us to slow down. It actually requires us to be still. How can we master the focus needed to be aware of the Divine much less to commune with that presence when we are continually assaulted by those same ideas, images, feelings, thoughts, and emotions that were so present to us even before we sat down to pray. Even as we try to calm ourselves inwardly, the demands of tonight's meeting, or the need to arrange the little league car pool, or even figure out what will be for tonight's dinner soon impinges on our mental, emotional, and spiritual space. This constant chatter makes our efforts to pray way too hard and we "throw in the towel," frustrated that this "prayer thing" is beyond us. 

Thomas Keating, a Cistercian monk and a master of centering prayer, teaches that we are not able to see the fruits of this prayer while we are praying, as when others notice that our spiritual practice of centering prayer has made a difference in us. The practice of centering prayer enables us to "let go" more easily by being less and less focused on those things that seem so urgent (and are often ultimately unimportant). As we develop the "muscle memory" involved in this practice, we gradually see that many things over which we fret have little or no real impact on the people we are called to be.

For more information on centering prayer, you may want to download the simple and practical guide found here: Thomas Keating's guide to centering prayer

Ash Wednesday - Developing Spiritual Practices

In his Prime Performance System, Dr. Jim Taylor* teaches that practice is the foundation of success in athletics: it’s what you do that determines whether you do or do not achieve your goals. While the spiritual life is not an athletic contest, there are some interesting parallels that arise.

• Practice like you compete. Simply put, practice has little real significance unless it is aimed at a goal - the competition that tests our abilities. We do not "compete" in the spiritual life, however, our spiritual "practice" must have a higher purpose than just our immediate well-being. It must be future oriented - namely that we undertake spiritual disciplines so that we are fit when spiritual challenges encounter us. For example, if we daily practice ways to "depend on God" even when it seems we don't "need" God, when the day comes (a serious illness, the loss of a loved one, a stressful family situation), we naturally and almost automatically recognize God's presence and the inner strength that a life with God provides. 

• Consistency is what often separates great athletes from good athletes. Regular routines in practice develop what some call "muscle memory." This is true in many areas of our lives. Take the simple act of brushing your teeth. Do you make every movement intentionally? Or has the daily routine of moving the brush inside your mouth made the process from beginning to end, nearly automatic? I am sure you think of other things when your brush your teeth. We need to develop our "spiritual muscles" in a similar way - by consistent repetition we can raise our spiritual awareness from the mere task at hand to a more transcendent purpose. 

• Experiment with new things. Dr. Taylor teaches that the only way to improve as an athlete is to experiment and try new things. But he also recognizes that improvement is often difficult: it takes time and is often frustrating. Experimenting can makes us uncomfortable because new things are unfamiliar. At first, they don’t feel good, and sometime they don’t seem to work. Yet, despite these obstacles, to achieve the higher purposes for which we strive in the spiritual life, we must be open to try new things, physically, emotionally, mentally, and with the varied traditions we have inherited. Only through experimentation can we find that mixture that will lead us to even greater awareness of the power of the Spirit in our lives.

• Maintain a healthy perspective. We live in a culture in which we are led to believe that everything can be accomplished quickly and with little or no effort. But reality is just the opposite. Often we too late discover that anything in life worth doing takes commitment, time, and energy. If we buy into the ‘fast and now’ perspective, we may be doomed to an experience of the spiritual life that is filled with frustration and dissatisfaction. Consequently, we soon come face-to-face with the normal challenges of life noting little or no growth or less real meaning and purpose in our lives.

• Seek to maximize the quality of spiritual practice. The quality of any specific practice will have a great impact on how we develop as a disciple of Christ and the difference that makes in our daily lives. Specifically, it enables us to get the most out of a spiritual practice, thereby moving us closer to spiritual growth. Quality practice enables us to ingrain effective physical, spiritual, and mental skills and habits that can prepare us well for the challenges Christian disciples face in our modern world. Our goal, then, must be to engage in "high-quality" spiritual practices every day. We can find these "high-quality" practices in the teachings of spiritual masters through the ages - or by following the advice of others who have made the journey before us. 

So, as we launch into our Lenten pilgrimage and experiment with new spiritual practices, we should remember a few things: (1) the goal of spiritual practices is never the practice itself, but the higher value of intimacy with God; (2) many practices become richer and deeper when we experience them with others, rather than by ourselves; and, (3) like any other discipline, the spiritual disciplines don’t come easy. So don’t be discouraged. Practice, and don’t be discouraged.

_____

*Dr. Jim Taylor, "

Practice is the Foundation of Athletic Success" The Huffington Post 

04/29/2016, updated Dec 06, 2017. 

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-jim-taylor/practice-is-the-foundatio_b_9806606.html

Strength for the Journey: A beginning

As has become my custom during the days of Lent, I hope to make a faithful pilgrimage with the people of St. Luke's, Lebanon, as we Journey Deeper during this holy season.

To guide us along the way, I plan to use the reflections in Renee Miller's Strength for the Journey, as a starting point. You may see a quote from Miller's work from time to time as well as other sources that provide the meat in an otherwise "meatless" season (as in the old days of fasting and abstinence). I also hope to have an original thought or two along the way.

I hope that these blog entries help you as you seek to Journey Deeper with us this Lent. And yet, none of us makes this journey alone. If you find these reflections helpful, please share how with us in the comments section of the blog or on the linked portions of our Facebook page. Even more important, if you have a thought that arises from these starting points, please share it with us. We will learn and grow together as we share with one another the challenges we encounter on our Lenten pilgrimage.

As with any pilgrimage, we need to prepare ourselves for the journey. Here is a prayer to use in the days leading up to Ash Wednesday, the day we will launch out to Journey Deeper.

A Prayer for the days before Ash Wednesday

God Our Father,

As we prepare to begin Lent, help us to remember what these days before Lent are about.

We thank you first of all that you love all of us as your children, and that through the death and resurrection of your Son Jesus, we receive forgiveness for our sins. Help us to celebrate and live that message of forgiveness by forgiving those who have sinned against you.

Lord, we know that you created the world and you created us. You created all that is good for the body and the soul. Enable us to enjoy these few remaining days before Lent in a spirit of celebration of the goodness of your creation, so that, through our fasting and abstinence, we may come to an even deeper appreciation of all that you have given. 

We make this prayer through Christ our Lord. 

Amen.