How does God gaze on me?
How open am I to receiving this intimacy?
It's interesting how disconcerting it is when people realize that almost nothing they upload to the internet remains private. The old adage scripsit maneat ("What is writeen remains.") is more true than ever. This gives me pause on praying through Psalm 139 and realizing that there are no secrets from God to whom "all hearts are open and from whom no secrets are hid."
There is no light and darkness. There is no place where God cannot know me and nothing about me that God does not already know -- even things that I don't know about myself are already known even "while I was being made in secret and woven in the depths of my mother's womb."
We are fascinated by ultra sound pictures of an unborn child, yet these are just rough images in comparison to what God sees and knows of me even there. I begin to feel a little foolish, then, when I realize how much I think I can hide from God: all my imperfections, my sinfulness. God knows it all. And therein is the great truth - that God does know it all and because of it all - good and bad - continues to love me into being. "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain to it."
Unconditional love is what is too high for me. Hard to fathom, even more difficult to grasp.
I am put in mind of Bubba, my ever present canine companion. I heard someone recently describe that dogs stare at their "masters" because it is a way of expressing affection - it is the way they hug you -- with their eyes. So it is with God. God is "looking" at me always -- and with that gaze is enveloping me with love. Awesome.